Iranian courtship has its own vocabulary. Before any wedding there is usually a khastegari, the formal visit in which a man and his family call on a woman's family to propose. Tea is served, the parents talk, and the two people at the centre of it often get a little time to speak privately. That ritual survives in Tehran apartments and in Iranian homes in London, Toronto or Los Angeles alike, even when the couple first met at university or through friends.
This page explains how serious, marriage-focused introductions work for Iranians at home and abroad, how marriages are registered in Iran, and where cross-border couples tend to run into difficulty.
Faith, languages and regional variety
Iran is a Shia-majority country, but it is far from uniform. Persian is the national language, while Azeri Turkish, Kurdish, Arabic, Baluchi, Gilaki and Luri are spoken in different regions. Kurdish, Baluch and some other communities include many Sunni Muslims. Religious observance also varies widely from family to family, from very devout households to families who are more relaxed about practice.
Because of this variety, it is wise to talk openly, early on, about how each of you practises Islam, how you see the role of the hijab and prayer at home, and what each family expects. Assumptions based only on nationality often turn out to be wrong.
From khastegari to aghd
After a successful khastegari, families discuss the main terms of the marriage, especially the mehrieh (mahr). In many families the mahr is expressed in gold coins, and its size can become a subject of serious negotiation. Some couples prefer a modest, symbolic mahr; others see a substantial one as protection for the wife. Whatever you agree, make sure both of you understand that it is a real financial commitment, not just a number on paper.
The religious marriage contract, the aghd, is often performed at a decorated spread called the sofreh aghd, followed later by a larger celebration. In Shia jurisprudence the father's or paternal grandfather's permission is generally expected for a woman marrying for the first time; families and scholars differ on details, so ask a qualified scholar if your situation is unusual.
A note on temporary marriage
Shia jurisprudence recognises a fixed-term marriage (sigheh or mut'ah), while Sunni schools do not accept it. It is a sensitive topic. If someone proposes a temporary marriage when you are looking for a lifelong commitment, treat it as a clear sign that your goals differ, and seek guidance from a scholar you trust.
Registering a marriage in Iran
Marriages in Iran are generally registered at official marriage registry offices run by licensed notaries, after the couple completes pre-marital medical tests and counselling sessions that are usually required. Registration gives the wife and children legal protection and is essential for later matters such as passports, inheritance or divorce.
When one partner is not an Iranian citizen, the process becomes more complex. An Iranian woman marrying a foreign national generally needs official government permission, and foreign documents usually have to be translated and legalised. If you are abroad, the Iranian consular section in your country is the first place to ask; this is general information and not legal advice.
Iranians abroad
Large Iranian communities live in the United States, Canada, the UK, Germany, Sweden and the Gulf. Diaspora singles often describe a gap between their own expectations and those of relatives in Iran, especially about mahr, wedding size and where the couple will live. Many meet through community events, Persian cultural associations, mosques and Islamic centres, or family friends.
If you are in North America, our pages on Muslim singles in Los Angeles and meeting a spouse in Toronto cover two cities with significant Iranian populations. For couples blending a Persian background with another culture, see our guide to marriage across cultures.
Staying safe and spotting scams
Online introductions between Iranians inside the country and abroad are common, and so are scams. Common warning signs:
- someone who quickly asks for money to cover visa, exam or travel costs;
- pressure to keep the relationship hidden from both families;
- a reluctance to do a live video call or to let you speak with a parent;
- promises of residence abroad as the main attraction of the marriage.
Before travelling to Iran, dual nationals in particular should read their own government's travel advice carefully, since Iran does not generally recognise dual nationality. Always meet in family settings and keep someone informed of your plans.
Checklist for a serious match
- Has a khastegari or an equivalent family meeting taken place?
- Have you agreed on the mehrieh and understood what it means legally?
- Do you share expectations about religious practice and family life?
- Have you checked the documents and permissions needed if one of you is not an Iranian citizen?
- Will the marriage also be registered in your country of residence?
- Have you spoken with a scholar about any question of religious rulings?